Black Man, Love Her Back to Life
There is no shortage of articles that offer explanations for why black men are tired of dealing with black women. The black woman is blamed for everything short of the Cuban Missile Crisis. While misogynistic conversation is not the only issue that serves as a catalyst for the anti-black woman sentiment that seems to be gaining ground, it concerns me. This proclivity to point the finger of blame at the black woman crosses the boundaries of religion, socioeconomic status and a number of ot
her social indicators. Because I hold the belief that the restoration of the black family nucleus is central to the elevation and empowerment of the black race, I am compelled to address this situation in short here today, and subsequently in a more in-depth manner in the future.
Anti-black sentiment is a part of the fabric of the American culture, and it is expressed in almost every area of human existence, and it concerns me that a substantial amount of anti-black sentiment is coming from blacks themselves. Black men are far too comfortable in openly criticizing our women. There are certain issues that should be handled internally, and they should only be engaged by those who have a functional perspicacity of the dynamic at play. Yes, women are attacking men, but I am dealing with the men here because we are supposed to be the leaders, and that comes with responsibility
Allow me to succinctly bring some elucidation to my position here. What I am attempting to do here is speak to black men as fellow leaders. It is not an effort to exonerate black women of their wrong doing and poor behavior, because I am keenly cognizant of the fact that it does exist. What I am doing here is attempting to properly frame the current situation in a manner in which black men can understand it 
and respond appropriately. This is not an unbalanced condemnation of everything male. I am a black man, and I have been exposed to many of the frustrations associated with dealing with black women, and it can be overwhelming, frustrating and emotionally draining, but what I am asking the men to do is take a deep breath and attempt to grasp what I am endeavoring to share with you.
To the black women who are reading this, please understand, this is not an endorsement of your contempt and disrespect of the black man — something that is absolutely unacceptable. What I am attempting to do is provide a unique perspective for black men to gain a better understanding of your plight — helping understand your behavior — but more importantly, allowing him to see how he can positively impact the relationship between black men and black women by how he responds to you under any circumstance.
When asked about the ever-widening chasm between the black man and the black women, one of the most common responses is that black women are bitter. They are too confrontational and disrespectful. While these accusations don’t apply to all black women, they have been used to blanket the whole of black women.
Black Man, Love Her Back to Life
First of all, I will acknowledge that attempting to love a black woman can be quite a challenge. It comes with a unique set of psychological and emotional impediments and mechanisms that a man has to be truly committed in order to successfully navigate. Over the course of centuries of distorted cognitive impressions from harmful encounters and a reality that has left her scarred, frustrated, disappointment, and yes, bitter, the black woman has emerged wounded, but intact — bruised and broken. However, let us not pretend that her frustrations are unwarranted. It would be immensely unfair if her disdain and contempt for the black man would be dismissed as just plain evil. It is not fair to our women to pretend that we don’t know why they behave in the manner that they do.
First of all, no woman in the world has experienced the pernicious assault against their nature to the extent of the black women. No woman has experienced incest and molestation at the magnitude of the black woman. There is no woman on the planet who has to deal with the sense of abandonment that is the result of men who find it to be an acceptable course of action to procreate and then abandon their progeny. Make no mistake about it, while the emotional trauma and psychological scars that the black woman has experienced does not excuse her hostile and capricious behavior, it definitely explains it.
I propose a notion that seems to be foreign to many men. We find it necessary to proclaim our roles as kings and leaders on a consistent basis. One obligation of a leader is to own the responsibility for the current condition of all situations that he is supposed to be responsible for. As men, we must look at the current condition of the black community and be willing to own responsibility for it. The vast majority of the destruction happened in our absence, and the rest is a direct result of our actions.
What our women need is for black men to love them back to life. They have undergone constant assault and devastation until they have reached a point in which they have died — emotionally and spiritually. She needs to know that black men are committed to being her leader, provider, comforter and covering. Right now, she needs the room to break down every once and a while. She needs to see black men give her the room she needs to be human. She has spent her entire life dealing with men who came into her life to destroy and tear down, and while she played a role in inviting them in, what she needs now is a man who is willing to build up and restore.
What I am speaking of is not easy. It calls for the man to put his feelings to the side. He must be willing to be guided by a passion to restore that which has been broken and cast aside. He must have the capacity to see the bigger picture, understanding that it is not about him, but the perseverance of our race and culture. When she is angry, he must remain calm. When she is hostile he must be pleasant and engaging. When she is harsh and abrasive, he must remain gentle. This is true love. What black women need right now are black men who will breathe life back into their waning hopes for a future for the black race.
I am not asking you to pay for what another man has done, but I am asking that you learn how to maneuver around the minefield of the damage that he has left behind. We cannot be okay with leaving our women to fend for themselves. That is not what a black man does, black men lead. Even if you determine that a particular woman is not a good fit for you, be the kindness that she needs for the moment, without exploiting her weaknesses. Be the voice of comfort without corrupting what little innocence is left. See yourself as a rescuer of the diminished reputation of the black man. Recapture the moment when our women could trust us with their heart. Seize every moment to stand up and cover a black woman. Even though they are screaming that they don’t need us, every breath that they breathe is full of the hope of being held and loved. So, black man, love her back to life! ~ Dr. Rick Wallace, Ph.D.
Get your signed copy of Dr. Wallace’s latest book, The Mis-education of Black Youth in America: The Final Move on the Grand Chessboard
