The Quintessential Black Man: I am Far From Perfect

The Quintessential Black Man: I am Far From Perfect

I decided to pen this article to both, black men and black women, for the purpose of elucidating the core foundation of my passion for black men to rise up and lead. I have always stated that I do not teach from the platform of perfection, but from the heart of a man who has been transformed and empowered through experiential progression in the life that I have chosen. I honestly believe that I am the quintessential black man. Not because I am without fault, or because I am infallible, but because I live the experience of being a black man in a hostile world every day, and yet I choose to get up every morning and face these challenges head on with an unshakable commitment to lead my people out of the valley of oppression and self-destruction.

I am far from perfect, but I am perfectly committed. I am far from being the perfect father. I have had many moments in which I could have done better, but rather than allow myself to be defined by those moments, I continue to work at being a father despite the fact that most of my progeny are now adults. Instead of focusing on my perceived failure as a father, I focus on the relationship that I have with my children now. I rally at the thought of the fact that I am the first person called when they become engaged in a moment that they may feel is too big for them. No, I am not perfect, but I am the quintessential black man nonetheless.

When I say that I am the quintessential black man, and I am not professing to be the ideal black man. No, I have things in my past that will probably cause some women to shy away, and I am more than good with that. All of my children at not by one woman, and while many will suggest that it has lowered my stock, I would suggest that it has tested my character and my commitment to my individual responsibility to live up to the demands of my design. I am far from perfect, but I am the quintessential black man.

Yes, I have failed as a husband, not because I cheated or could not provide, but because I chose to walk away in pursuit of that elusive goal of personal happiness, instead of fighting to create it where I was. Yet, I have worked tirelessly to build a relationship with my ex that ensures her that though our marriage has ended, my commitment to her security has not. While I chose to walk away, I have not abandoned her. While this may threaten the person that chooses to seek a life with me, I stand firmly, because black men must learn to live up the responsibilities they create. It is time that we stop walking away from the challenges in our life, pushing the reboot button, because they are uncomfortable and challenging. It is time that we stand up and meet those challenges head on. We are the standard bearers for the young black men who will follow us, and we must teach them the importance of meeting their individual responsibilities.

So, what gives me the right, with all of my fallibilities, to call out black men to stand up and step out? The very nature of being a black man not only affords me the right to challenge other black men to step up, but it actually rests as a weight of responsibility on my shoulders. I am compelled through the black masculinity coursing through my veins to meet the challenge of the moment. I am given no allowance for past failures. Instead, I am incessantly challenged to be better each day than the day before. This movement is not about past failures; it is about black men living in the greatness of their design, despite the past failures they have experienced.

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While I openly admit to my fallibilities, I will no longer apologize for them. Not based on any form of arrogance, but the understanding that I have reckoned with them all, and that reckoning has established a confidence that assures me that I will never have to mortgage my future for the sake of paying for my past.

For the men who are reading this, I challenge you to move beyond the failures of yesterday, refusing to set your expectations based on what once was. You are more than the sum total of your failures. You are the aggregate impact of your divine purpose.

Women, I encourage you to stop looking for the perfect man or demanding perfection as a prerequisite of leadership. Instead of asking a man for his social and professional resume, I advise that you ask him about his vision for his life. You see, while his professional and social resume may tell you where he is and where he has been, his vision will tell you where is going. Every man you meet will be on a journey, so judging him on the present and the past will present a marred and imperfect image that will inhibit you from recognizing the greatness within him. Together, we can rebuild what has been destroyed, and we can deliver our people from the wretched oppression that has served to inhibit collective progression.

I choose to celebrate my blackness, and my black masculinity in the fullness. While some will see my absolute refusal to cower and conform as conceit or arrogance, I recognize it as my right and responsibility to be the standard, the model and the blueprint of authentic black manhood, and I will never compromise that purpose for the sake of acceptance, approbation or comfort. I am the quintessential black man. ~ Dr. Rick Wallace, Ph.D.

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